I have only been dancing for three years, this is my fourth. I have only taken one full formal ballet class. My parents don’t teach dance or own a studio. I got to where I am as a dance major fully on determination and motivation to improve. Yesterday, January 7th, was my first day as a DANCE MAJOR at Arizona State University’s Herberger Institute for Design and the Arts. It was probably the most fun day I have had in a very, very long time. I went to a thing called FTD (Free The Dance) and they welcomed me in like family. A girl nominated me at the end as someone who stood out because I SMILED ALOT! ❤ That was a wonderful confidence boost and I really appreciated it.
Today, though… today was a different story. My classes were hard, my body was sore from FTD, and I was feeling very discouraged and out of place. I called my mommy and cried for about an hour and am still very upset right now but I’m trying to see the positive side of things and just stop being negative.
I hate to admit this to myself, and to anyone who might read this but.. I think I have depression. Like, really bad depression. Everything is going well, my dance classes are incredible and challenging and everyone in the dance program is very accepting and lovely, but I feel like outside of myself and I need to get happy Eli back. I need something to make myself remember all the wonderful things in my life and just stahp with all the horrible thoughts and feelings. Today has been one of those days when I just didn’t want to be on the planet anymore. God, this is my prayer that things will get better and that you’ll use me to do good things in this, through your will. Lord help me. ❤