Month: January 2013

College

So, let me just start by saying I am in college. I’ve technically been “in college” since I was 15 years old. But NOW, 17-year old Eli, is IN COLLEGE at Arizona State University.  I am a dance major, although I hope to minor in Chinese, possibly join the military as an officer after I get my Bachelor’s degree, and then get my master’s degree paid for.

ANYWHO!

Today (January 28th, 2013) it is a bit dreary outside, and I have a lot of time to do homework so I decided to type up some random thoughts and share them with my non existent blog viewers.

Thought #1: Boys.

This weekend I was telling my parents that I am 100% sure I am not going to find my future husband in college because all of the guys here are ANNOYING AS HELL. There’s no way to sugar coat it. It is what it is. I am forever cursed with being attracted to men that do not want to date a 17 year old or are not Christians. Shruglyfe

Thought #2: Social Hierarchy

Within the dance program, I feel a division. There are “cliques” and it is really frustrating because I enjoy the company of all of the dancers. So why can’t we all just get along? I’m hoping that relationships will build throughout the semester but as of now I feel totally disconnected from the dance group as a whole.

Thought #3: God! (last but CERTAINLY not least)

This whole Bible-in-a-year reading plan is PERFECT. I am loving it and I am learning so much.  Sometimes it is hard to understand why some of the things are happening in the bible, but I know that doubt is necessary to test faith, in order to make it stronger.

Those three things have been my focus this past month, and they are all jumbled up in my mind so I am patiently (impatiently) awaiting some sense to be made of my life and what I am doing on this campus in the lovely little state of Arizona.  Everything is peachy keen sometimes, and other times I just want to drive in my car and blast some hardcore Jesus music.

 

That is all.

Dance Major

I have only been dancing for three years, this is my fourth. I have only taken one full formal ballet class. My parents don’t teach dance or own a studio. I got to where I am as a dance major fully on determination and motivation to improve. Yesterday, January 7th, was my first day as a DANCE MAJOR at Arizona State University’s Herberger Institute for Design and the Arts. It was probably the most fun day I have had in a very, very long time. I went to a thing called FTD (Free The Dance) and they welcomed me in like family. A girl nominated me at the end as someone who stood out because I SMILED ALOT! ❤ That was a wonderful confidence boost and I really appreciated it. 

Today, though… today was a different story. My classes were hard, my body was sore from FTD, and I was feeling very discouraged and out of place. I called my mommy and cried for about an hour and am still very upset right now but I’m trying to see the positive side of things and just stop being negative.

I hate to admit this to myself, and to anyone who might read this but.. I think I have depression. Like, really bad depression. Everything is going well, my dance classes are incredible and challenging and everyone in the dance program is very accepting and lovely, but I feel like outside of myself and I need to get happy Eli back. I need something to make myself remember all the wonderful things in my life and just stahp with all the horrible thoughts and feelings. Today has been one of those days when I just didn’t want to be on the planet anymore. God, this is my prayer that things will get better and that you’ll use me to do good things in this, through your will. Lord help me. ❤

AMEN!